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  • Vanessa Fingland

How to know you are dealing with a Narcissist

Updated: Aug 13, 2021

Are you an empathetic person? Does it feel like you attract bullies and narcissists into your life? I know the feeling. I have experienced these types unfortunately MANY times in my life. Sometimes it is hard to tell if you are being bullied if its more covert. One of the signs is feeling "ashamed" after being around someone. Or if you noticed you went into a panic mode or fight/flight mode while interacting with them. And overtime you start to notice your confidence level decreasing. You may also feel a "bad feeling" in your stomach while around this person or afterward. I know it is hard to stand up to them, especially if you aren't a confrontational person. Here are the warning signs:

- They lack empathy (they may sound empathetic but it comes across insincere and more like pity and you get the sick feeling that they are almost enjoying your pain).

- They like to "poke the wound". They seem to have a sixth sense for weaknesses and will try to point them out to you or poke at you with passive aggressive statements.

- They are manipulative. You might notice them changing their stories or you might catch them in a lie and they backtrack.

- The biggest indicator you are dealing with a narcissist is they are very smooth and charming when you first get to know them but once you have developed trust and they have you "hooked" they turn on you very quickly. And if you confront them on their behavior (or even share how hurt YOU felt) they deny, lie, and gaslight you. Continuing the abuse. Narcissists are masters at projection and gaslighting. Gaslighting is when they blame you and tell you that you are all the things they actually are, they will say things like "you are selfish" (telling you that you are selfish they will hope you will give in to them being that you are an empathic person you will give even more further losing yourself in the relationship). Gaslighting makes you question your reality. They start telling you how terrible you are when this whole conversation started because THEY were abusing YOU. But they somehow turn it around and it's your fault. Gaslighting is very psychologically abusive and it's important to seek help immediately if you recognize the signs since it is very traumatic for your brain. You need someone who is going to validate your experience and tell you that NO you are not crazy.

I hope this helps if you are unfortunately dealing with a narcissistic person in your life. I understand the awful feelings that come with it. Please feel free to reach out to me if you want support in this, I will definitely be on your side! You can sign up for a free 15 minute phone consultation on my home page under “contact us“ or call 780-236-3313.

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